well i'm going to ramble about my "friends" now...
god my fucking friends have been assholes lately. they act like they dont' fucking care about me anymore. whenever i call/text them all they give me is attitude. i asked the ones that had cars to pick me up the otherday and they gave me so much fucking attitude and made up stupid excuses that i could easily see through. oh well i guess...not like....nvm. i feel as if they don't care about me anymore like they are just using me but that they don't need me anymore. whenever i'm with one friend they talk about the other and it makes me think that when i'm not around they talk about me. and they're the ones that hate it when ppl talk behind their backs. it's like wut the fuck! they're FUCKING HYPOCRITS!!!!!!!!! god they annoy me so fucking me sometimes.
and yes amber i'm talking about you and juanita and if you want to yell at me then you know my fucking number and can call me and bitch to me. i know this is going to piss you off but right now i don't really fucking care. i don't even know why you keep me around anymore. it's like all i do is annoy you to death. maybe that's why you haven't talked to me since wednesday. and even then you gave me so much fucking attitude! maybe i should just say this to your face but right now i doubt you'd even give me time to do that.
ok back to my rambling....why do i always pick the fucking hypocrits as friends. all the good friends i've ever had have been hypocrits in some way or another. and i kno that i can be hypocrits sometimes but when they are so adimit about something and then they turn around and do it it jsut fucking pisses me off!!!!!
i want to cut so bad right now and it's only been 9 days since i last cut. i don't know if i can make it 100 days this time. no one fucking talks to me anymore. and i feel like i failed everyone by not talking/commenting/reading to you guys! i'm so sorry. maybe i should just give in again. it's not like anyone will help me anymore. amber won't help me and whenever i go out to just get some fresh air she gets all paranoid that i'm going to go kill myself when in reality i just want some fresh air to clear my thoughts. she does the same thing and she's actually almost killed herself one time when she was walking and i've never thought that when i go for a walk! argh!!!!! she just is pissing me off to no end right now. and it's like all i ever do is wrong in her eyes. i can't do anything right because i'm younger then everyone i hang out with. you don't have to treat me like shit just because i'm younger than everyone.granted i'm 16 and hang out with 16-27 year olds but still amber is only 2 years older than me! and anthony is a lil shy of a year older than me and even he treats me differently. they even have to odasity to invite me to something and then just ignore me just like adri used to do. i can't take it anymore i jsut want to cut so bad. i have a knife in my room and whenever my parents ask what i used to cut with i always say scissors when in reality i cut with a knife because i threw away all my razor blades. i need to go buy some of those jsut in case i need one or just as a safety blanket. i think that's what i'm going to do once i get some more money. ya..that sounds like a plan stan! lol haven't heard that one in awhile!!!
well i think this went on long enough